It actually started before I went to sleep last night, but I'm going to group it all together, cause it sure feels like it belongs together. My mother brought over a corner desk for me (no, I never asked for a corner desk) that had belonged to a friend of hers, and was on it's way out the door, so my mother thought she would be nice and bring it to me (somehow, I end up with a lot of stuff in this manner). I figured what the hell, I didn't like my current situation of having my computer in a closet (no matter how many home and garden shows tell you to put your computer in the closet because it's "out of the way" and "a space-saver" and "attractive when you close the closet door," don't listen - it sucks). I had actually really warmed up to the idea of moving my living room around and having this massive desk placed in one corner (it had been at my house for a week now, because my mother had brought the parts and not the bolts, and I truly couldn't wait to use it). Finally the night was here that I had a hand in getting it all together. So Mr. Jones and me (yeah, he really is Mr. Jones, that's not just cool to say) moved my living room furniture around, and started to bring the desk pieces out to get it all together (anytime anything comes to your house in pieces, just throw it away right then and there).
Well it was at that moment that I got that funny feeling in my gut that this wasn't going to go well. I called my mother and asked her if there were any instructions (who needs those things anyway?). Of course not. Ok, we are dudes, we can figure this out. Well, long story short, after we got it together partly, and stared at it for 15 minutes trying to figure out what to do to it next, I had a realization - we had put it together backwards. No problem, we'll just take it apart, and while we're turning it around, we can attach the piece we had missed while we was putting it together. Only one problem, the screws are stripped out. WTF. Ok, forget it, it's a dump run now. Not to mention that while we were messing with the desk, I was watching football game, and watching my two top receivers (Nicks and Jackson) score a combined total of 10 points, when I was down by 47. Thanks guys).
Somehow, even though she keeps reminding me that she gets things done, even if it's not the way I would do it, when my mother does me a "favor," it always ends up in extra work for me. So now I've spent 2 hours moving my living room around, bringing the desk pieces out, putting it together, moving the desk pieces back out to the other room out of the way, and I will at some point have to go to the dump to get rid of it. Oh, and my living room still looks like a disaster area from rearranging things. And my computer is still in the closet. Awesome. It was bed time, I couldn't think anymore.
Fast forward to this morning. I had to take the little guy to meet his grandparents. So I get the children up, we all get fed and dressed, and we go on our merry little way. Today is gonna be better. After the little fella exchange, the little ladies and I head to Ikea (yeah, I've decided I really like this corner desk idea, and it seems like something I can't live without now). We browse the L-shaped computer desks, only to realize they come in like 36 pieces, and by the time you purchase them all, it's like 0. Well, unless I wanna live without food, cigarettes, and possibly electricity for the next 3 months, I guess I'll have to live without the desk). No problem, grocery store next (that's after I finish the 8 mile maze that is Ikea. They might as well have built a long straight hallway that goes from here to Philly. They could hold marathons in it. I felt like I had run one by the time I was walking out).
Ah, the grocery store. The place I finally refused to go to on Sunday before the Ravens game, cause I just couldn't take the 600 people all crammed in to one little store. If Giant was closed on Sundays, they would go out of business (90% of their weekly shoppers are there on Sunday from 11am-1pm. So I couldn't wait to see how nice and peaceful it was on a Monday (everyone is at work right? wrong). It's really not that empty on Monday afternoon (well, it was probably half the people that are there on Sunday. Half the people, twice the self-centeredness. And how come this chick is never there?). Apparently everyone there on Monday sits on the board of directors for Giant (at least I'm assuming so, cause they acted liked they owned the place). Blocking entire aisles for 10, 20 minutes, no problem. Whatever, I got what I needed and made my way to checkout.
It was at the checkout that I got the highlight of my day. They had a bagger, and it was his first day on the job. Oh lucky me, this seemed to fit right in with the way my day was going. But, against all odds, this guy was awesome. He was like the rainman of grocery store bagging. Brilliant. All the frozens together, the squishables together, fridge stuff together. The grocery store was his matrix (kinda like when Neo just saw all the numbers and letters, this guy just saw milk, eggs, bread, and toilet paper).
As I was leaving, I saw the Salvation Army bell ringer sitting. On a bench. Inside. On their cell phone. And there weren't any angels getting their wings. I don't know if this is really all that horrible (it definitely wasn't as bad as last week when I was at the Royal Farm Store and the guys waited on me while talking on his phone. I won't even be a customer while I'm on the phone cause I think it's rude, and this guy took my order while chatting away. I had to use my whisper cause someone's on the phone voice). And how many weeks are these guys going to ask for my money (they are going to start in June next year). I bet if the Salvation Army had one of the people they are out there collecting money to help working there, they'd be outside ring-a-linging. But whatever, this wasn't personally affecting me, and with my day I had more to worry about, so I trudged on.
Oh the joys of unloading groceries. Of course I had stopped at Wendy's on the way home so me and the little ladies could have lunch (that's where I took this awesome pic). So I set my milkshake down and start to dole out the grocery bags to the munchkins. Ok, who didn't see the milkshake sliding from it's position, only to fall to the ground, and somehow splash up all over my face, shirt, pants and shoes - raise your hand? Well I surely didn't see it coming. But it did (I'll never finish my fun on a girl's face again, that sucked).
Groceries in, lunch eaten, now - to get the stuff I bought in the freezer. Does anyone else seem to have 20 pounds of shit to put in a 10 pound freezer, every week? I know it always feels that way (but it always seems, no matter how slim the chances look of making it fit, if I take everything out, start from scratch, take some stuff out of it's box, somehow, it all seems to fit. I'm not sure it's possible to have too much for a freezer. I think no matter what I buy, the freezer will somehow adapt and grow to hold it. It really is kind of amazing). Of course although it always fits in the end, but there are those 3 times I close the door triumphantly - only to realize I forgot to put one of the things I took out back in (which cause me to take more out again.... ugh, still amazing it always fits though).
Freezer finished, and the only thing left to do was relax - oh wait, gotta correct one of my daughters. Now seriously, by a show of hands - who did not see me carrying my daughter to her bed for timeout, and on the way stepping in the nice present my kid's pug (Michael Vick, however horrible you believe him to be, would not shit on my floor) had left for me on the living room floor (really? That many of you saw that happening?)?Joy of joys. By this point, I was ready to wipe my shoe off - with my face. That's how my day felt anyway, so it seemed only fitting to that I should have shit smeared all over my face (yeah, didn't take much to fight that urge, ewwwwwww).
When I have days like this I'm always reminded of this: Somewhere, someone is a siamese twin, with a gay brother, who has a date tonight, and you share one ass. So that leaves me here. Now. I got school in a little while. Welding. Who thinks I'm gonna accidentally catch myself on fire?
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